terrible illusion : hope

“Most ironic of all, was the last gift that Raziel had given me. More powerful than the sword that now held his soul, more acute even than the vision that his sacrifice had accorded me. The first, bitter taste of that terrible illusion: hope.

Kain (Legacy of Kain : Soul Reaver)

Blog is for expressing your thoughts and feelings, right? And it’s best to do it quickly, as you feel it, so that you know what you feel, you don’t have to remember it. Very well then. Maybe not the best way to start a blog, but then again, which post will be? Better not to keep it.

Ever wondered how much we are driven by illusions? Our own illusions. What we think and feel can drastically change / influence every single moment of our lives. And there is nothing rational about it. Often you cannot even explain. It just is. Good topic for psychologists etc. Hard to pack everything into few lines. But…

In a very unstable moment of my life, something happened. Something I dramatically fought for past year. It changed my disposition, it made me feel better.  Maybe I’m wrong, exaggereting, misinterpreting and falling into another illusion. At this point it doesn’t matter, as the real effect is positive (for now).

I’ve been given a gift.

Of hope.

~ by rattkin on Sun, February 18.

2 Responses to “terrible illusion : hope”

  1. Sounds like every emotionally draining situation I’ve been in. I realize that emotions are very real, but they are, in essence, just a reminder, or a sort of sign, letting you know that there is something going on, something you need to be aware of, that there is a lesson to be learned. It seems, from my experience, that after the heightened emotional experiences, sometimes lasting weeks at a time, I feel transcended to a higher plane of awareness. My intuition seems to be more honed than prior to the experience, I learn more about how my emotions tend to deceive me, yet at the same time they always represent something significant, even if their power causes me to be temporarily deceived. Throughout my life I’ve concentrated on seeing through the seemingly emotional fog in order to make decisions based on a, if you will, third person perspective so as to not let my self-deception get the best of me. Alas, it is impossible to be completely objective, which is the phenomenon of subjectivity. You must embrace your emotions, rather than deny them, to see the truth.

  2. Thanks for your comment. Well said. I couldn’t say the same about me : that I made my decisions from third-person perespective. There is always something you take into consideration, a situation, a feeling, an emotion : of love, of hate.

    What the pain hides in, is that embracing emotions costs a lot, and while indeed allows to transcend to somewhat higher level (of existence), I’m quite often presented with the dilemma of seeing situation without emotions and with emotions. I want the “with-emotions” side to be real sometimes and I cannot accept, that for real, it just looks different and my emotions have nothing to do with that. I wish they could.

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