in shade

I find dramatically ironic that I was born the very same day in year that Jan Paweł II’s soul departed from his body. I’ve never been a church-going man. I don’t like to stand up and talk about religion. But it’s somehow very sad to know, that now, the day in which you want to be happy, want to be remembered, want to celebrate – is crushed, as there is someone much bigger than you, who draws whole attention. It’s like your existence dwells constantly in shade. They pass near you, but they don’t see anything.

I hate to be such grinded-down. My personal wish for myself is to find a way to let go. Empty myself, get rid of all those traumatic past and start again with smile.

I don’t remember a year in which my birthday was a happy day. I don’t even remeber being given a gift, or offered a party. Guess that I (silently) expect way to much.

~ by rattkin on Mon, April 2.

2 Responses to “in shade”

  1. I recall a movie scene where Russian guy was screaming and dancing on the street when his wife delivered a baby. A police patrol came, arrested and prisoned him cause it was the day of Stalin’s death (5 March).

    A couple of nice events happened on 2nd of April:
    1805 – H.C. Andersen was born
    1810 – Napoleon marries Marie Louise
    1957 – Charlie Chaplin comes back to U.S. (shh, he is a communist!)
    1917 – First women in U.S. congress
    1991 – First women to take premiership of Canadian province. (you should be feminist, rattkin!)
    1984 – first Indian in space

    A lot of bad things happened too, unfortunately. More even..

    For me there are two ways of dealing with birthdays. Since a lot of people tend to forget about them (me included), I organise the party myself. This is probably even less happy day then, I can’t recommend that.
    Second approach: buy gifts or invite for dinner/drink during an ordinary day and make the person feel special that very one day.
    You avoid competition, save time and end up with better effect.

  2. You always want this day to be something more that the others, like the time you were child and your parent organized all those kid parties with games, cakes and gifts. But now, you end living it up the same usual way as yesterday and tommorow.

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